Holy Hand Grenade with Pseudo Instructions

A little while ago, I was involved in a really fun Monty Python-themed swap on Craftster (I wrote all about it here) and one of the things I made for my partner was a Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch! Well, I didn’t exactly write down the pattern as I went, but I more or less remember how I made it – mostly because the bulk of it was from my crochet sphere pattern. So here goes!

First off, I used silver and gold acrylic worsted weight yarn with a 3.75mm crochet hook (but really, just use the size you are most comfortable with). Also, as a tip, try to get yarn that’s labelled ‘silky’ or ‘soft’ because that way it tends to look a little more metallic – especially in the gold and silver colours.

To start off, use gold to make the sphere (it’s the 26 row ideal sphere if you’re interested.)

Row 1) Ch 2. 6 Sc in second Ch from hook. (6)
Row 2) inc in each stitch around. (12)
Row 3) (1, inc) repeat () around (18)
Row 4) 1, inc, 2, inc, 3, inc, 2, inc, 3, inc, 2 (23)
Row 5) 2, inc, 3, inc, 4, inc, 3, inc, 4, inc, 2 (28)
Row 6) 1, inc, 4, inc, 5, inc, 4, inc, 5, inc, 4 (33)
Row 7) 3, inc, 5, inc, 6, inc, 5, inc, 6, inc, 3 (38)
Row 8 ) 8, inc, 9, inc, 8, inc, 9, inc (42)
Row 9) 6, inc, 13, inc, 13, inc, 7 (45)
Row 10) 9, inc, 14, inc, 14, inc, 5 (48)
Row 11) 15, inc, 23, inc, 8 (50)
Row 12) 24, inc, 25 (51)
Row 13) inc, 50 (52)
Row 14) even (52)
Row 15) 50, dec (51)
Row 16) 25, dec, 24 (50)
Row 17) 8, dec, 23, dec, 15 (48)
Row 18) 5, dec, 14, dec, 14, dec, 9 (45)
Row 19) 7, dec, 13, dec, 13, dec, 6 (42)
Row 20) dec, 9, dec, 8, dec, 9, dec, 8 (38)
Row 21) 3, dec, 6, dec, 5, dec, 6, dec, 5, dec, 3 (33)
Row 22) 4, dec, 5, dec, 4, dec, 5, dec, 4, dec, 1 (28)
Row 23) 2, dec, 4, dec, 3, dec, 4, dec, 3, dec, 2 (23)
Turn the piece inside out at some point around now and begin to stuff it.
Row 24) 2, dec, 3, dec, 2, dec, 3, dec, 2, dec, 1 (18)
Row 25) (dec, 1) repeat () around (12)
Row 26)  4 scdec. Fasten off. Weave loose end through each stitch in the opening. Pull tightly to close.

Next, use silver and chain 53. **Sc in second chain from hook, and Sc in each chain across. Ch 1, turn. Sc in each stitch across. Fasten off.**
(This will be the strip that fits around the equator of the grenade.)

Using silver again, chain 27. Do the ** bit again. This will be the medium strip.

Again, with the silver, chain 13. Repeat the ** bit again. Make 2 of these pieces.

Sew the longest silver strip around the equator of the grenade. Sew the medium strip perpendicular to this one, around a ‘meridian’. Sew the two short strips on either side of the medium one (again, perpendicular to it), so that they make an ‘X’ when viewed from the top.

And finally: the cross. To be perfectly honest, I can’t remember exactly how many stitches I made this around. If it looks weird, use your best judgement.

In gold, chain (approximately) 9. Sl st to first stitch to form a loop.
Row 1-9: Sc in each stitch around.
Fasten off. Sew the opening closed flat at the top and stuff lightly.

In gold, chain (approx) 9. Sl st to first stitch to form a loop.
Row 1-4: Sc in each stitch around.
Fasten off. Sew the opening closed flat at the top and stuff lightly. Make 2 of these.

Sew the two smaller cross arms on either side of the tallest part. Then sew the cross to the top of the Grenade.

I had some little plastic jewels, so I used good old white glue to stick them to my grenade (and believe me, they held on there)!

Here is the picture for comparison. One, Two … Five! (Three, Sir, Three). THREE!

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